Dude's need to really stop sleeping on Dame Dash... Where the fuck did he find this dude?
"Wash my face and my ass and hit the slab hard/ If I don't say shit all day, Nigga I thank God!"
My fucking eyes watered when he said that shit!.. DAMN!!
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Signs of the Apocalypse: Soulja Boy Crowns Himself the Best Rapper Alive
"I always knew one day I would become the greatest rapper."
-Soulja Boy
If you haven't heard, Soulja Boy is the best rapper alive. According to himself.
Take a look at this fuck shit. And we'll discuss it after this intermission. After he hits you with more bars than a muthafuckin prison (He actually said that shit.)
If you're anything like me, you probably have this look on your face right now.
What. Thee. Fuck.
I'm not gonna list all the horrible ass lines I heard in this shit. Because I would be typing all night. So feel free to drop your favorite(most hated?) bars from this bullshit in the comments section.
By the way, Soulja Boy looks like Kyle Barker from "Living Single".
-DFJz
-Soulja Boy
If you haven't heard, Soulja Boy is the best rapper alive. According to himself.
Take a look at this fuck shit. And we'll discuss it after this intermission. After he hits you with more bars than a muthafuckin prison (He actually said that shit.)
If you're anything like me, you probably have this look on your face right now.
What. Thee. Fuck.
I'm not gonna list all the horrible ass lines I heard in this shit. Because I would be typing all night. So feel free to drop your favorite(most hated?) bars from this bullshit in the comments section.
By the way, Soulja Boy looks like Kyle Barker from "Living Single".
-DFJz
Made Monarchs X Anonymous Insolence Video Series: Family Affair
I'm always on here bitching about how much St. Louis is slept on musically... Well, we have decided to collaborate with Made Monarchs to help promote the talent in our city through a series of videos.
Our first video is featuring a group called Family Affair whose mixtape, Welcome to the Underground, drops in late Spring...
Our first video is featuring a group called Family Affair whose mixtape, Welcome to the Underground, drops in late Spring...
Fuck.With.us!!
Let us know what you think!!
Epic Dick-Slapping: Carter-Knowles Last Name Fuckery
I have done a lot of terrible shit in my life, and have no right to judge anybody at any point. My scruples are questionable at best.
For example:
1. When I was a freshman in college I use to tuck my dick in-between my legs and chase my roommate around the room... (He was white, and it scared him.)
2. Last night I told my lady that I would do the dishes this morning if she soaked them overnnight, but I didn't feel like it when I woke up and left them in the sink... She is gonna be pissed when she gets home. (I am gonna have to do something real funny so she doesn't get on my case too tough.)
3. When I was like 4 or 5, I kissed my sister in the mouth in the back seat of a car, while my mom ran in the house to grab something....My mom caught us and I made my sister think it was her fault, and she took all the blame. (My mom knew we were only imitating what we saw on T.V. and restricted certain television stations until we were in high school. I wasn't even allowed to watch the Simpson's until I was in middle school.) Needless to say, (but I am gonna say it anyway) I never kissed my sister again!
4. I even dated a mentally-ill chick in 7th grade for a day in exchange for 18 bucks... (Yeah, that's terrible... I know... but 18 bucks bought me a lot of mystery air heads after school. You do what you gotta do, you know?)
So, basically, I haven't been shit for a really long time but God continues to bless me so I still think there is a decent chance I can mak into heaven... However, I think that God will have no mercy and force Jay-Z to spend eternity burning in a lake of flaming hot dicks if he does that gay ass Carter-Knowles shit with his last name. (Just in-case you didn't know, a while back Jay-Z said he was thinking about taking Beyonce's last name instead of the other way around...) He will not only have blasphemed against God and the ranking system in which he created for the world to follow (MOB... Man over B*tches). He will have also broken #manlaw, and must be punished on earth as well...
When talking to @dragonflyjonez via twitter, these are the options that we came up with:
1.) He must become a girl, and permanently tape his dick in between his legs.
2.) Donate his #peen to charity... or even science.
3.) Let me fuck Beyonce from the back in a special position that I like to call froggy-style, with a Trojan Ecstasy Condom on. (Trojan says it feels like nothing is there at all... AND what they say is a lie!.. at least that is what I have heard.)
Tell us what you think! Pick the best option or add yours and place it in the comment box...
Peace,
-N.Accomplished
For example:
1. When I was a freshman in college I use to tuck my dick in-between my legs and chase my roommate around the room... (He was white, and it scared him.)
2. Last night I told my lady that I would do the dishes this morning if she soaked them overnnight, but I didn't feel like it when I woke up and left them in the sink... She is gonna be pissed when she gets home. (I am gonna have to do something real funny so she doesn't get on my case too tough.)
3. When I was like 4 or 5, I kissed my sister in the mouth in the back seat of a car, while my mom ran in the house to grab something....My mom caught us and I made my sister think it was her fault, and she took all the blame. (My mom knew we were only imitating what we saw on T.V. and restricted certain television stations until we were in high school. I wasn't even allowed to watch the Simpson's until I was in middle school.) Needless to say, (but I am gonna say it anyway) I never kissed my sister again!
4. I even dated a mentally-ill chick in 7th grade for a day in exchange for 18 bucks... (Yeah, that's terrible... I know... but 18 bucks bought me a lot of mystery air heads after school. You do what you gotta do, you know?)
So, basically, I haven't been shit for a really long time but God continues to bless me so I still think there is a decent chance I can mak into heaven... However, I think that God will have no mercy and force Jay-Z to spend eternity burning in a lake of flaming hot dicks if he does that gay ass Carter-Knowles shit with his last name. (Just in-case you didn't know, a while back Jay-Z said he was thinking about taking Beyonce's last name instead of the other way around...) He will not only have blasphemed against God and the ranking system in which he created for the world to follow (MOB... Man over B*tches). He will have also broken #manlaw, and must be punished on earth as well...
When talking to @dragonflyjonez via twitter, these are the options that we came up with:
1.) He must become a girl, and permanently tape his dick in between his legs.
2.) Donate his #peen to charity... or even science.
3.) Let me fuck Beyonce from the back in a special position that I like to call froggy-style, with a Trojan Ecstasy Condom on. (Trojan says it feels like nothing is there at all... AND what they say is a lie!.. at least that is what I have heard.)
Tell us what you think! Pick the best option or add yours and place it in the comment box...
Peace,
-N.Accomplished
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Made Monarchs: Diversion II
You peep the #shoutout @dragonglyjonez??? We are Big Time now Muhfuckaz!!
If you like to have fun, fuck wit' em... I know I am gonna be there!!
Monday, March 8, 2010
The Meaning of Christopher Wallace
March 9, 1997. That date will always go down as the day that hip hop lost one of its greatest and most promising stars.
Also one of its most influential.
The influences of Christopher Wallace are still being felt today. Its safe to argue that no single rapper had a bigger hand in shaping the game as we know it today. Not even Jay. Mainly because Jay owes a LARGE part of his legacy to BIG as well.
Biggie singlehandedly embodied the progression and trends of mid to late 90s rap. Where he went, so went the game. Dude bought the East back. Ya'll better believe that. In 1994, at a time when hip hop was dominated by the West Coast sounds of Deathrow and Cube, BIG came stomping in with his size 14 Timberlands and brought that gritty East Coast shit back to the forefront along with Nas and the Wu. While Nas and the Wu created classic shit in their own right, neither were as embraced by the radio or MTV (back when that shit counted) like BIG was. "It Aint Hard to Tell", "Protect Your Neck", and "C.R.E.A.M" were nowhere near the smash hits that "Juicy", "Big Poppa", and "One More Chance" were.
And as I mentioned before, as Biggie went, so did the hip hop culture. When he debuted in black timbs and black hoodies, everyone was on that shit. But when he switched that shit up, and got on his fly shit, the culture followed suit as well. EVERYONE wanted a Coogi sweater and a Kangol. (Back when Coogi wasn't the worst shit on the planet.) When he went from ashy to classy, so did hip hop.
And he also changed the sound of the game. He made it standard to have a rapper spit a verse on your R&B single. "Mo Money Mo Problems" ushered in the "shiny suit" era (hate it or love it). He had the best verse on the most timeless club record of all time. #benjamins. He was the first rapper to really consistently talk that high end fashion shit in his rhymes. (Cats like Slick Rick did that before him, but not with the frequency or emphasis that BIG did.) Also the first rapper to assume a mafia affiliated nickname (Frank White) which became standard fare after he did it. Biggie also utilized a Southern accent at times and sung catchy sing-songy choruses on "Life After Death". Sound familiar? It should. Years later, a megastar would run with that blueprint and blow up like the World Trade.
And also BIG's legacy is that of a peacemaker. During the tumultuous East vs. West Coast bullshit, BIG never struck back on wax at Pac or anyone from the West. ("Who Shot Ya" was recorded before Pac was shot and Lil Cease has refuted that "Long Kiss" was for Pac). Even though he brought the East back, he never fed into that bullshit regionalism that was running rampant at the time. "Life After Death" was his olive branch to a divided hip hop nation. He had an ode to California and featured Too Short on it. He showed love to the Midwest by emulating their flow on "Notorious Thugs". He embraced this up and coming rapper out of Marcy and featured on his debut and threw him on his album as well.
Spread love. It's the Brooklyn way.
With all this said. I miss BIG. Like a motherfucker. Besides a dope rapper, he just seemed like a genuinely good dude from what we knew about him. I've mentioned before how I hate "I ain't a rapper" rappers. BIG came in the game giving props to all the legends before him with "Juicy".
Stand up shit right there.
And also, I've noticed that some of the youngstas on twitter don't seem to "get" what the BIG deal (pun intended) about Biggie was. A main argument I see is that he never said anything mind blowing (which I wholeheartedly disagree with) when compared to today's artists. And that shit is completely unfair to use that to measure BIG's greatness. Cats weren't spitting like Lupe 15 years ago. And at that time, back when lyrics mattered, BIG was at the head of the class. Along with just a handful of other elite rappers. Except for the last few years when we've been bombarded with the bullshit, the game has been constantly evolving and progressing. To say BIG doesn't measure up to rappers today would be like discrediting the dopeness of Rev Run (corny tweets aside) because you compare him to 3 Stacks.
But whenever explaining the impact of certain individuals or events to those who weren't able to coherently witness it, something always gets lost in translation. Always. I just hope I was able to shed a little light on the situation.
Long live the late, great Christopher Wallace.
-DFJz
The 10 Crack-Hoe Commandments
This post is not about crack hoes (I am sorry if you are disappointed), it's actually about side-hoes. I thought about titling it "The 10 Side-Hoe Commandments" but crack hoe commandments sounds much more entertaining. It has a certain appeal to it, ya know?..
My lady and I got into a minor tiff (Tiff: a petty quarrel) a couple weeks back. I felt like being an asshole and attempted to aggravate her even more by sleeping out on the couch. When I awoke, I began thinking about how much I really love my chick and regretted intensifying the situation 1000 times more than it needed to be. While examining my love for my girlfriend I asked myself the question, "Is there anything she could do to make me want to break up with her?" and the answer was surprisingly, "No!" I even factored cheating into the equation and once again "No" was the answer. (As long as she doesn't fall in love with the dude, or his dick, I could get over it...) The only thing that would cause me to break up with her is me not liking her anymore, which is all that really matters. I think people's expectations in relationships are impossible. We watch all these movies and shit portraying love as the best thing ever, when it's not the best thing ever. (Sex is the best thing ever...) It's awesome and all but it requires a lot of understanding, forgiveness, and overlooking... Oftentimes, these traits must be used in situations that include infidelity because for some reason most people, at some point or another, desire to be pleased sexually by someone outside of their relationship.
Cheating is wrong, but people continue to do it. However, even when participating in something as irresponsible as infidelity, you have to remain somewhat responsible. Here's a list of rules that must be followed:
1.) One night these hoes... Even if you choose to smash the same person more than once, treat them as if they are one-nighters. Don't treat hoes nicely because they are hoes. Hoes usually struggle from self-esteem issues, and if you do anything that builds their self-esteem they are going to become attached. I have learned that hoes that are attached to dick do the dumbest shit ever!! Like expect to graduate from side-hoe status to main hoe status...
2.) Tell everyone the truth except the person that you love... Let people on the side know that you have a significant other. That way they know how to act if they see y'all in public.
3.) Don't ever bring up anything personal about your relationship... It's just best to keep that shit separate. Matter of fact, don't ever bring up anything personal. Ya'll aren't friends, y'all are fucking! Make sure it stays that way.
4.) Always use contraceptives... That's self-explanatory! Both of your asses are doing some really triflin ass shit and can't be trusted. I don't give a fuck if the side-hoe has their STD test framed and mounted on their wall, ain't no telling what's going on when you're not around. Plus, you are already cheating. Don't compound the ass-holery by putting your significant other's health at risk along with their feelings.
5.) Make sure they aren't addicted to crack... People with drug addictions are usually broke. Relationships are already expensive as shit, you don't want to get involved with someone that will milk your bank account any more. Plus crackheads are usually unstable as well, and that's no good.
6.) Don't bring them to your house... Mainly because it's dumb as shit but mostly because a person that would allow them self to be a side-hoe doesn't usually have the best judgement and is likely to do dumb shit. Such as show up at your door while your chick is there. Either smash them at their spot or on neutral ground! It's your best bet.
7.) If you are dumb enough to take them out to dinner make them order off the kids menu... It's like saying,"Yeah b*tch, we're eating-out but you're still a side-hoe and don't ever forget it!"
8.) Make sure she is at least equally as good-looking as your girl, or has a better body... I don't know why that's a rule. It just seems like it makes sense.
9.) If you start liking the person let them go... No matter how good the sex is or how appealing their personality seems, side-hoe's never make good companions. Here's an example, remember when everybody on the And1 Streetball Tour talked about how they could make it in the league and shit. Well, one day ESPN set up a game between streetball players and some leaguers. Although the streetballers broke off a couple cats, they got their ass shitted on by about 30. The reason why they weren't in the league is because they weren't built for the league. You see what I am getting at? Side-hoes are side-hoes for a reason...
Well, that's all I could think of... I am at my grandmother's house and she just whipped up some Turkey, green been casserole, rice, and cranberry sauce. So, I am gonna go eat. If you feel the need to add a 10th Commandment, drop it in the comment box.
Peace!
My lady and I got into a minor tiff (Tiff: a petty quarrel) a couple weeks back. I felt like being an asshole and attempted to aggravate her even more by sleeping out on the couch. When I awoke, I began thinking about how much I really love my chick and regretted intensifying the situation 1000 times more than it needed to be. While examining my love for my girlfriend I asked myself the question, "Is there anything she could do to make me want to break up with her?" and the answer was surprisingly, "No!" I even factored cheating into the equation and once again "No" was the answer. (As long as she doesn't fall in love with the dude, or his dick, I could get over it...) The only thing that would cause me to break up with her is me not liking her anymore, which is all that really matters. I think people's expectations in relationships are impossible. We watch all these movies and shit portraying love as the best thing ever, when it's not the best thing ever. (Sex is the best thing ever...) It's awesome and all but it requires a lot of understanding, forgiveness, and overlooking... Oftentimes, these traits must be used in situations that include infidelity because for some reason most people, at some point or another, desire to be pleased sexually by someone outside of their relationship.
Cheating is wrong, but people continue to do it. However, even when participating in something as irresponsible as infidelity, you have to remain somewhat responsible. Here's a list of rules that must be followed:
1.) One night these hoes... Even if you choose to smash the same person more than once, treat them as if they are one-nighters. Don't treat hoes nicely because they are hoes. Hoes usually struggle from self-esteem issues, and if you do anything that builds their self-esteem they are going to become attached. I have learned that hoes that are attached to dick do the dumbest shit ever!! Like expect to graduate from side-hoe status to main hoe status...
2.) Tell everyone the truth except the person that you love... Let people on the side know that you have a significant other. That way they know how to act if they see y'all in public.
3.) Don't ever bring up anything personal about your relationship... It's just best to keep that shit separate. Matter of fact, don't ever bring up anything personal. Ya'll aren't friends, y'all are fucking! Make sure it stays that way.
4.) Always use contraceptives... That's self-explanatory! Both of your asses are doing some really triflin ass shit and can't be trusted. I don't give a fuck if the side-hoe has their STD test framed and mounted on their wall, ain't no telling what's going on when you're not around. Plus, you are already cheating. Don't compound the ass-holery by putting your significant other's health at risk along with their feelings.
5.) Make sure they aren't addicted to crack... People with drug addictions are usually broke. Relationships are already expensive as shit, you don't want to get involved with someone that will milk your bank account any more. Plus crackheads are usually unstable as well, and that's no good.
6.) Don't bring them to your house... Mainly because it's dumb as shit but mostly because a person that would allow them self to be a side-hoe doesn't usually have the best judgement and is likely to do dumb shit. Such as show up at your door while your chick is there. Either smash them at their spot or on neutral ground! It's your best bet.
7.) If you are dumb enough to take them out to dinner make them order off the kids menu... It's like saying,"Yeah b*tch, we're eating-out but you're still a side-hoe and don't ever forget it!"
8.) Make sure she is at least equally as good-looking as your girl, or has a better body... I don't know why that's a rule. It just seems like it makes sense.
9.) If you start liking the person let them go... No matter how good the sex is or how appealing their personality seems, side-hoe's never make good companions. Here's an example, remember when everybody on the And1 Streetball Tour talked about how they could make it in the league and shit. Well, one day ESPN set up a game between streetball players and some leaguers. Although the streetballers broke off a couple cats, they got their ass shitted on by about 30. The reason why they weren't in the league is because they weren't built for the league. You see what I am getting at? Side-hoes are side-hoes for a reason...
Well, that's all I could think of... I am at my grandmother's house and she just whipped up some Turkey, green been casserole, rice, and cranberry sauce. So, I am gonna go eat. If you feel the need to add a 10th Commandment, drop it in the comment box.
Peace!
Sunday, March 7, 2010
J.Cole: Exactly What Hip Hop Needs
I don't know if you remember the post about me being real nervous to give a presentation for like 500 students, and receiving inspiration from J.Cole's Intro on "The Warm Up". (The shit brought tears to my eyes, no bullshit!) Here's a Trailer that was shot for his Mixtape with the intro playing in the background...
"Will you stand tall and be bold?.. or will you fold?" - J.Cole (Those are words I will always live by...)
Here's a another video he shot for "Simba"
Skinny nigga, T-shirt, jeans, and BARS for days!!
...And it's fuck Jay-Z, if this nigga doesn't blow!.. Damn, I'm capricious.
J Cole - The Warm Up Trailer (Directed by BBGUN) from bbgun on Vimeo.
"Will you stand tall and be bold?.. or will you fold?" - J.Cole (Those are words I will always live by...)
Here's a another video he shot for "Simba"
J. Cole - Simba (Directed by BBGUN) from bbgun on Vimeo.
Skinny nigga, T-shirt, jeans, and BARS for days!!
...And it's fuck Jay-Z, if this nigga doesn't blow!.. Damn, I'm capricious.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Signs of the Apocalypse: The Kids' Snuggie Commercial
First off, allow me to welcome you to a new series that we will be posting here on Anonymous Insolence. "Signs of the Apocalypse" will be bringing you nothing short of the worst shit that we have ever observed. And to start it off, I proudly (?) present to you this:
The Kids Snuggie Commercial
Now I know I'm the King of Hyperbole (everything is either the best or worst shit ever with me), but this is seriously one of the all-time worst things I have EVER seen in my life.
First off. Fuck snuggies. And if you own one, I will lose a certain degree of respect for you that you will NEVER be able to get back. And you should be ashamed of yourself too. It's just a fuckin robe that you wear backwards. Stoopid.
But this shit right here! Nigga this shit right here,(#kattwilliams) is uncalled for. But did you know that if you are a kid who wears a snuggie you automatically know how to juggle apples? (0:19) Or you can become a master swordsman [ll]? (0:45) Also, seatbelts only work if you wear snuggies (0:55). And how the fuck is that a superhero at 1:04?
But by far, the worst shit about this commercial (and some of the worst shit I've ever seen in my life) takes place from 1:28 - 1:37. Fuck that kid's parents for allowing him to do that shit.
But I'm gonna tell you the saddest/scariest thing about this whole snuggie movement. One day I was in bed under the covers watching tv and this commercial came on. I wanted to change the channel but the remote was on my dresser and I didn't wanna reach for it because I didn't want my arm to get cold.
Fuck.
-DFJz
The Kids Snuggie Commercial
Now I know I'm the King of Hyperbole (everything is either the best or worst shit ever with me), but this is seriously one of the all-time worst things I have EVER seen in my life.
First off. Fuck snuggies. And if you own one, I will lose a certain degree of respect for you that you will NEVER be able to get back. And you should be ashamed of yourself too. It's just a fuckin robe that you wear backwards. Stoopid.
But this shit right here! Nigga this shit right here,(#kattwilliams) is uncalled for. But did you know that if you are a kid who wears a snuggie you automatically know how to juggle apples? (0:19) Or you can become a master swordsman [ll]? (0:45) Also, seatbelts only work if you wear snuggies (0:55). And how the fuck is that a superhero at 1:04?
But by far, the worst shit about this commercial (and some of the worst shit I've ever seen in my life) takes place from 1:28 - 1:37. Fuck that kid's parents for allowing him to do that shit.
But I'm gonna tell you the saddest/scariest thing about this whole snuggie movement. One day I was in bed under the covers watching tv and this commercial came on. I wanted to change the channel but the remote was on my dresser and I didn't wanna reach for it because I didn't want my arm to get cold.
Fuck.
-DFJz
Friday, March 5, 2010
Followers We Fux With... @CerromeRussell
If there is any justice in this world, this dude will blow the hell up one day... He's had a past full real fucked up shit, and used comedy to help get by. The guy is undeniably funny, and if you love your life at all you will watch this video as well as read his interview.
Check him out!!!
"Come to my house and you see 2 crackheads playing kickball with a possum... Don't kick it too hard you gonna bust it." *DEAD*
As a follower of our blog and a twitter friend, you should be familiar with our obsession with the awesomery that is breast milk. So, we must ask... What is you favorite flavor of breastmilk??
Yeah, I have to admit that was one of the things that made me a fan of the blog. The best I had recently was the Kansas Merlot my wife was producing, high in anti oxidants with a nice cinnamon finish. Only thing left to check off my list is the Holy Grail of breast milk. Salma Hayek. One lucky kid in Africa got to sample and i just believe that that kid will grow up to end war,famine and Gucci Mane as we know it real talk.
I happened upon your video one day while pretending to be working, you're a funny dude. The greatest part was that it seemed so effortless, as if you just got up there and started talking and it just happened to be funny as fuck. When did you realize you had the gift of making people laugh?
This is going to sound like some Lifetime channel bullshit, but I learned to be funny to distract me and my sisters from being hungry,dirty ass neglected kids. We lived in the projects in a small country ass town in Georgia, our mama had a real bad drug problem and we had more roaches than friends. So, I had to keep our mind off it. I couldn't stand them looking like somebody had just killed our dog,which they had because mama owed money. So, I would make up dances,stories and voices to make them laugh. I started doing it school once I found out it made people forget I smelled funny, even if only for a little while. Just kept it going after that.
What inspired you to become a comedian??
Bernie Mac's set in The Kings Of Comedy movie is the reason I wanted to do comedy for a living. Just watching those people laugh so hard they seemed like they might die, but didn't want to stop listening to him even if they did. That was what I wanted to be able to do. Plus Bernie Mac was the man, he didn't give a damn about being cool or famous only being honest and being the funniest muthafucka in that moment on that stage.
The life of a comedian can be a difficult one. The initials years can be rough financially... So, it only seems fitting to ask what your favorite flavor of Ramen Noodles is?
I like to go half and half with a packet of the chicken flavor and the pork flavor. And if I actually get paid like the promoters said they would (rarely) I spring for some alfredo sauce in can, Instant Olive Garden!
Are there any other aspirations you have outside of being an awesome comedian?
There are a few things I want to do. A kick flip up to noseslide and not die. I want to play onstage with Coheed and Cambria. Start a Terrence Trent D'arby tribute band. Last but not least I want to get offered a coon ass, embarrass the whole race, soft shoe part in a movie turn it down flip the table over,kick the producer in the chest Sparta style and walk out.
I think you are hilarious, and believe you will be a really big deal in the future! When you blow up and have more money than any human should be allowed, what will be the first asinine purchase you make? For example, I was thinking about buying a Mongolian baby to add a little cultural spice to my family photos.
My wife thinks I'm bullshitting but I want a Koala bear. I plan on keeping a separate house filled with shit she said I cant have. A Hapry Eagle, a wolf, 1986 Chevy Caprice are just some of the bullshit I'm working towards.
A requirement of being a black man is loving white women... Assuming you have been lucky enough to taste the sweet nectar of a Caucasian Cooter, what is the best part of having sex with white chicks? I happen to love how square-ish their asses are, they are so symmetrical.
Sorry man, I don't dig the Beckys that much. Nothing noble or Afrocentric about it, just the almost criminal lack of ass. I've been with a few when I was younger, but I also broke into some churches when I was kid so you can see how fucked up my judgment was.
Is there anything else you would like us to know about you?
I spent 5 years in the Marine Corps and loved it. That last year I spent in the Middle East could have been better but hey whats done is done.
How could you not want this dude to just win big in life?! We here at Anonymous Insolence, wish you the best man. However, when you blow the fuck up, don't forget to put us on the payroll! *high five*
If you want to check out more of his video's click HERE... Go ahead and follow him on Twitter too @cerromerussell (You know you want to!)
Check him out!!!
"Come to my house and you see 2 crackheads playing kickball with a possum... Don't kick it too hard you gonna bust it." *DEAD*
As a follower of our blog and a twitter friend, you should be familiar with our obsession with the awesomery that is breast milk. So, we must ask... What is you favorite flavor of breastmilk??
Yeah, I have to admit that was one of the things that made me a fan of the blog. The best I had recently was the Kansas Merlot my wife was producing, high in anti oxidants with a nice cinnamon finish. Only thing left to check off my list is the Holy Grail of breast milk. Salma Hayek. One lucky kid in Africa got to sample and i just believe that that kid will grow up to end war,famine and Gucci Mane as we know it real talk.
I happened upon your video one day while pretending to be working, you're a funny dude. The greatest part was that it seemed so effortless, as if you just got up there and started talking and it just happened to be funny as fuck. When did you realize you had the gift of making people laugh?
This is going to sound like some Lifetime channel bullshit, but I learned to be funny to distract me and my sisters from being hungry,dirty ass neglected kids. We lived in the projects in a small country ass town in Georgia, our mama had a real bad drug problem and we had more roaches than friends. So, I had to keep our mind off it. I couldn't stand them looking like somebody had just killed our dog,which they had because mama owed money. So, I would make up dances,stories and voices to make them laugh. I started doing it school once I found out it made people forget I smelled funny, even if only for a little while. Just kept it going after that.
What inspired you to become a comedian??
Bernie Mac's set in The Kings Of Comedy movie is the reason I wanted to do comedy for a living. Just watching those people laugh so hard they seemed like they might die, but didn't want to stop listening to him even if they did. That was what I wanted to be able to do. Plus Bernie Mac was the man, he didn't give a damn about being cool or famous only being honest and being the funniest muthafucka in that moment on that stage.
The life of a comedian can be a difficult one. The initials years can be rough financially... So, it only seems fitting to ask what your favorite flavor of Ramen Noodles is?
I like to go half and half with a packet of the chicken flavor and the pork flavor. And if I actually get paid like the promoters said they would (rarely) I spring for some alfredo sauce in can, Instant Olive Garden!
Are there any other aspirations you have outside of being an awesome comedian?
There are a few things I want to do. A kick flip up to noseslide and not die. I want to play onstage with Coheed and Cambria. Start a Terrence Trent D'arby tribute band. Last but not least I want to get offered a coon ass, embarrass the whole race, soft shoe part in a movie turn it down flip the table over,kick the producer in the chest Sparta style and walk out.
I think you are hilarious, and believe you will be a really big deal in the future! When you blow up and have more money than any human should be allowed, what will be the first asinine purchase you make? For example, I was thinking about buying a Mongolian baby to add a little cultural spice to my family photos.
My wife thinks I'm bullshitting but I want a Koala bear. I plan on keeping a separate house filled with shit she said I cant have. A Hapry Eagle, a wolf, 1986 Chevy Caprice are just some of the bullshit I'm working towards.
A requirement of being a black man is loving white women... Assuming you have been lucky enough to taste the sweet nectar of a Caucasian Cooter, what is the best part of having sex with white chicks? I happen to love how square-ish their asses are, they are so symmetrical.
Sorry man, I don't dig the Beckys that much. Nothing noble or Afrocentric about it, just the almost criminal lack of ass. I've been with a few when I was younger, but I also broke into some churches when I was kid so you can see how fucked up my judgment was.
Is there anything else you would like us to know about you?
I spent 5 years in the Marine Corps and loved it. That last year I spent in the Middle East could have been better but hey whats done is done.
How could you not want this dude to just win big in life?! We here at Anonymous Insolence, wish you the best man. However, when you blow the fuck up, don't forget to put us on the payroll! *high five*
If you want to check out more of his video's click HERE... Go ahead and follow him on Twitter too @cerromerussell (You know you want to!)
I am not Arrogant Enough to be a Good Christian ( Niggas Still Wear Ed Hardy???)
I have a co-worker that always wants to talk about shit that I couldn't give 2 fucks about. Usually these pointless ass conversations start later on in the day around lunchtime, which gives me a great "out" by lying and saying I have a lunch appointment. However, he caught me super early this morning (Before I even took my fucking coat off... I had barely set foot in my cubicle). So, I was basically stuck, unless I wanted to say something real ass-hole-ish like,"C'mon man, I haven't even taken my coat off yet... #fuckouttahere!" or "Can I at least turn on my computer before you bug me with some mundane ass story about shit nobody fuckin cares about?"... I decided against both of those options and accepted my fate. Plus, I don't to make our work-relationship even more awkward than it already is...... *cue the thought clouds*...... A couple weeks before Christmas Break he called me and asked if I could pick him up from the opposite side of campus because he needed something that was in his office. He was heading out of town and decided to park on campus because he could access the airport from the metrolink stations, while avoiding expensive airport parking fees. I asked him why he didn't park by our building if he needed access to it because it's within walking distance of the other metrolink station on our campus, and he would be able to get whatever he needed from his office. He gave me this weak ass excuse that didn't make sense, and I told him to catch the shuttle... That sounds terrible, but the shuttle runs every 7-10 minutes and he would get here in around the same time it would take me to walk to my car, go pick him up, and walk back into the building. Plus, I don't inconvenience myself, for people that are willing to inconvenience me over dumb shit... When he left, after bumming metrolink money off of muhfuckas (How the fuck you gonna plan to ride the metrolink, and not bring metrolink money?), he said bye to everyone in our office except me. It's been sort of weird ever sense then...
This is how this morning's conversation went:
Him: Hey, do you wear Ed Hardy?
Me: Fuck naw, I don't wear that shit! It's terrible...
Him: Oh... Well, I owned a shirt with a tiger on it and it was tight. I also owned some chucks and a tie to...
Me: They sale Ed Hardy ties?
Him: Yeah, I bought it from TJ Maxx
Me: Oh, ummm... That's cool.?.
Him: Well, I was in Dillard's and saw this? *raises telephone to my face and shows me a picture of Jesus' face printed on an Ed Hardy t-shirt*
Me: Wow...
Him: That's Jesus face!
Me: I know...
Him: I threw all my Ed Hardy out after I saw that!
Me: For real?
Him: Yeah man... *Stands for a while*
Me: *shrugs*
Him: *stands some more... walks out my office*
You may have noticed how "short" I was with this dude. It wasn't only because I am an asshole. It's also because I am not a good Christian and didn't care that they put Jesus' face on a t-shirt. Is that any different from the "Jesus is my Homeboy" shirts, or a chain with a pendant that has his dead body hanging from the cross??? (We don't even know if that is really Jesus face. It's only a representation of what we think Jesus looked like. Jesus might be in heaven thinking," My jaw was much stronger than that, and my eyes aren't that sad looking! They got me lookin like a sucka down there!") I really don't think he actually cares... That's not the only reason I am not good at being Christian though. Other shit that prevents me from being a really good Christian are my love for curse words, refusal to believe that humans can live 72 hours in a whale (because I am logical), and love for sleeping-in on Sundays. (Matter of fact, I think it's almost criminal for any organization to expect a human to do anything other than sit on their ass, eat cheesecake, and play with their private parts on a Sunday.) The reason that is paramount to all others that support my un-Christianlike qualities is that I am not arrogant...
How ridiculously arrogant is to believe that what you were raised to believe is more real than what another person was raised to believe is real? Then tell them if they don't stop believing what they have grown up thinking is true, they'll be forced to spend eternity burning in a lake of fire... Even though God really loves them and doesn't want to do it. (uhhhh??) This is the kicker though, I have to do this without any intrinsic evidence that what I am saying is true other than a Bible that was put together by 300 white humans and finalized by an Emperor named Constantine the Great. Who was rumored to have thrown the the Bible on a table and excluded any writings that fell out, believimg it was God's way of telling him what belonged and what didn't.................................................... (Google The Nicene Council)
I think I will just stick to praying for people... Only God knows which doctrine was really inspired by him, if any at all!
P.S. Don't you think he should have thrown that Ed Hardy shit out a couple years ago? Or just did what I did and NEVER fucked with that weak shit... I have always been really proud of myself for skipping that whole rock star fashion phase. *pats self on back*
This is how this morning's conversation went:
Him: Hey, do you wear Ed Hardy?
Me: Fuck naw, I don't wear that shit! It's terrible...
Him: Oh... Well, I owned a shirt with a tiger on it and it was tight. I also owned some chucks and a tie to...
Me: They sale Ed Hardy ties?
Him: Yeah, I bought it from TJ Maxx
Me: Oh, ummm... That's cool.?.
Him: Well, I was in Dillard's and saw this? *raises telephone to my face and shows me a picture of Jesus' face printed on an Ed Hardy t-shirt*
Me: Wow...
Him: That's Jesus face!
Me: I know...
Him: I threw all my Ed Hardy out after I saw that!
Me: For real?
Him: Yeah man... *Stands for a while*
Me: *shrugs*
Him: *stands some more... walks out my office*
You may have noticed how "short" I was with this dude. It wasn't only because I am an asshole. It's also because I am not a good Christian and didn't care that they put Jesus' face on a t-shirt. Is that any different from the "Jesus is my Homeboy" shirts, or a chain with a pendant that has his dead body hanging from the cross??? (We don't even know if that is really Jesus face. It's only a representation of what we think Jesus looked like. Jesus might be in heaven thinking," My jaw was much stronger than that, and my eyes aren't that sad looking! They got me lookin like a sucka down there!") I really don't think he actually cares... That's not the only reason I am not good at being Christian though. Other shit that prevents me from being a really good Christian are my love for curse words, refusal to believe that humans can live 72 hours in a whale (because I am logical), and love for sleeping-in on Sundays. (Matter of fact, I think it's almost criminal for any organization to expect a human to do anything other than sit on their ass, eat cheesecake, and play with their private parts on a Sunday.) The reason that is paramount to all others that support my un-Christianlike qualities is that I am not arrogant...
How ridiculously arrogant is to believe that what you were raised to believe is more real than what another person was raised to believe is real? Then tell them if they don't stop believing what they have grown up thinking is true, they'll be forced to spend eternity burning in a lake of fire... Even though God really loves them and doesn't want to do it. (uhhhh??) This is the kicker though, I have to do this without any intrinsic evidence that what I am saying is true other than a Bible that was put together by 300 white humans and finalized by an Emperor named Constantine the Great. Who was rumored to have thrown the the Bible on a table and excluded any writings that fell out, believimg it was God's way of telling him what belonged and what didn't.................................................... (Google The Nicene Council)
I think I will just stick to praying for people... Only God knows which doctrine was really inspired by him, if any at all!
P.S. Don't you think he should have thrown that Ed Hardy shit out a couple years ago? Or just did what I did and NEVER fucked with that weak shit... I have always been really proud of myself for skipping that whole rock star fashion phase. *pats self on back*
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