I Miss Lauryn

"Cuz who the kids gon' listen to?"

I ain't do shit today but eat a steak and egg bagel from McDonalds, smoke a blunt, and watch college hoops like I said I was gonna do. (#manholiday) While I was rolling up I put my playlist on shuffle and it started playing some Lauryn Hill. Don't know if it was the drugs, but it really kinda hit me how much I missed her today.

She was dope.

The best female artist in hip hop history if you ask me. We all know how timeless "The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill" is. But what I was playing real heavy today was her Unplugged album. Yea... the one that everyone (myself included) wondered "What the fuck is this shit?" when it first dropped.

That album speaks to me now tho. Loud and clear.

Especially this song:



Man. If you're a working square like me who always says "Fuck this shit." then I'm sure you feel the hell out of that song.

And if you miss Lauryn spitting then check this one out. It should sound familiar. And she drops some GEMS.



*hip hop fact* You can hear Kanye tell Syleena Johnson "You're just like that safebelt. You saved my life." on "All Falls Down". Background on that: Ye wanted Lauryn to sing on that song, but this was right around the time she went into seclusion. He couldn't get a hold of her. Ever the perfectionist, Kanye didn't want to sample it because he wanted Lauryn to sing live on it. He felt like the emotion was lost when he sampled it. He was gonna scrap the whole song because he thought no singer but Lauryn could do it justice. But he asked Syleena to sing on it and was blown away. So props to Syleena Johnson for saving one of my all time favorite songs and one of the dopest singles of the past decade. *end of hip hop fact*

Moving along. Fuck Nicki Minaj. I understand that females want another female in the game who they can relate to and all, but I miss Lauryn. And fuck whoever don't like it.

-DFJz

I Miss College: Don't Put the Pussy on a Pedestal

About a month ago we introduced a college series focused on motivating college students to enjoy their experience by revealing how much life sucks after graduation. Due to the fact that I'm a super-unorganized, do what the hell I feel type of person I basically left all of ya'll hanging and I want to apologize for that. Not only is this series a chance to reminisce about all the terribly awesome situations I found myself in during my years as a student. I sort of feel obligated to make sure that the new crop of students takes advantage of EVERYthing college has to offer because the transition from going to class, getting your dick sucked, and working a shitty ass part time job for alcohol and sneaker money, to settling-down, having coffee breath, and working a boring ass job for food, bills, and health insurance is a muhfucka!!

I hope you learn something!!


I Miss College: Entry #1 Don't put the Pussy on a Pedestal

You would think after the scene in 40 year-old virgin when Jay (The token black guy in every white comedy during the first 5 years of the millenium) explained to Andy why he shouldn't put the pussy on a pedestal that men would change their ways, but that is not the case. For years niggas have been putting the pussy on a pedestal and continue to until this day at their own detriment. I'm not even gonna front, for a while I did it myself. I would see an extra bad chick and just assume she wouldn't fuck with a broke ass college student like myself or be afraid to approach a "good" girl in a certain way because it seemed like she probably wouldn't "get down like that". Just in-case you haven't realized this, chicks like dick just as much as we like pussy and if the correct plan of action is carried out you can find your penis inside of damn near any female you choose.

You ever wonder why these assholes are always messing with the baddest chicks. I know I have seen some bad broads with some straight douche lords. There's basically only two reasons why this continues to occur.

Reason 1: Most girls in college are not smart and like guys that don't give a fuck about them. Generally, females will grow out of this stage, but some never do.

Reason 2: Assholes don't give a fuck, and will get at any female regardless of how bad the chick is or how "good" she seems. While you're sitting on the sideline daydreaming about the pussy and shit, old dude is over there talking to her laying the ground work. So While you're at home jerking, wondering how large her areola's are. He is going to be balls deep in that broad, trying to pick out what dingy ass sweatshirt to give her so she isn't cold while taking the walk of shame...

...Basically, the reason why you stay losing is because you never try.


I am just looking out for you, and don't want you to live with the same regrets I am currently dealing with. I know I have missed out on a lot of quality pussy because of this... So puh-lease take advantage of E V E R Y bad chick you see while in college because they are scarce in the working world. Seriously, it's like all the sexy broads disappear (or get fat) after you graduate. You are stuck with overweight mothers with cracked heels and heavy ankles who have nothing but memories of the days when they were bad... AND on some real shit, you probably will have gained some weight and look kind of shitty yourself too... It's probably best to take advantage of your dick while you can still see it, ya know? It kind of makes sense.

Maestro Knows Season 2: Episode 5

Maestro Knows - Episode 5 (Hawaiian Vacation) from Maestro Knows on Vimeo.

Glad to see Maestro back at it again...

Rockwell Knuckles: Choose Your Own Adventure

Rocky Knuckles is one of my favorite up and coming artists. I have had a chance to hear a couple of his tracks during his performances here in St. Louis. I promise that you will not be disappointed.

Download his new mixtape "Chooes Your Own Adventure" HERE




You can also catch my dude at SXSW... The nigga has 5 shows! #STL #FORCE

Tahir Moore: Live Tomorrow!!

Only the Morally Unsound Give Good Tips at IHOP

If you read the blog at all, you know my love for pancakes and breast milk is damn near unparalleled. If I wasn't so fuckin vain, I would eat pancakes every meal and have a body shaped like the back of Anthony Mason's neck. However, I understand that women are very superficial and wouldn't want to have sex with me if I looked like a bag of Ballpark Franks, so I try to practice some sort of restraint. Well, last night my girlfriend and I decided to go to Ihop before watching the ESPN 30 for 30 special "Winning Time: Reggie Miller vs. The New York Knicks" (We hadn't been in a while, so I was cool with it...) After devouring our meal and heading to the register my lady, who was paying for our meal, asked me how much she should tip and this was my response:

"I don't know, I always skeet them because I don't like the thought of indirectly supporting drug habits."


I am not a cheapskate! I was a server for a while, and understand how important their tips are. I have given 20 and 30 dollar tips to really good servers at different restaurants, and pride myself on not being the stereotypical black person that tips terribly but I just feel bad giving someone money when I know it's going to be invested into the destruction of their body. I don't think I have ever had a server at IHOP that didn't fit the mold of a drug addict perfectly. I am talking missing teeth, dirty finger nails, that painful looking ass smile that is covering up their need for a fix, the whole fucking nine yards. I am not trying to judge them though, IHOP has to be the worst place to work EVER! I mean I sort of understand why you would want to snort a line after working a double shift and making $13.48 in tips. That shit sucks!


So, if you work at IHOP and you serve a kind of preppy looking, square-headed black dude that uses the phrase "... and shit" a lot. Don't take it personal when your tip comes up a little short. It's not that you are a bad server, I just don't feel comfortable with you shooting my tip money into your veins.


Peace!

Wiz Khalifa - Material (Start of a Great Fuckin Weekend)

I am a homebody, so I don't go out too much. However, mad shit is poppin' this weekend so I am in these streets all weekend Muhfuckas!!! It started off last night at The Rock House with a Wiz Khalifa Concert. Listen here, if you get a chance to catch this dude Do Not Miss Out!! He does not disappoint. His music is extremely diverse (there were just as many white broads reciting his lyrics as hood niggas...), and he doesn't hold shit back. (How many rappers do you know that will swag it out on stage, then hit that little snoop two-step ditty bop?)

Here's some of his old shit:

Wiz Khalifa- Material from Tf2nice4u on Vimeo.

You know I was acting a donkey ass fool when this beat dropped... I also think I had a contact high! E V E R Y body was blowin in that joint...


Tonight I am kickin it at Peat & Kevin & Stan's Art Show in the Syndicate. Then I'm with the The Monarchs at Diversion II tomorrow night. (I.will.be.drunk.... Fuck With Us!!)



P.S. the dude @ShawnT is in town too... So, you know we had to kick it FOOL!

BIG K.R.I.T - KING

Dude's need to really stop sleeping on Dame Dash... Where the fuck did he find this dude?



"Wash my face and my ass and hit the slab hard/ If I don't say shit all day, Nigga I thank God!"

My fucking eyes watered when he said that shit!.. DAMN!!

PEAT & KEVIN & STAN TOMORROW!!!

Come Fuck With Us!!!

Signs of the Apocalypse: Soulja Boy Crowns Himself the Best Rapper Alive

"I always knew one day I would become the greatest rapper."
-Soulja Boy

If you haven't heard, Soulja Boy is the best rapper alive. According to himself.

Take a look at this fuck shit. And we'll discuss it after this intermission. After he hits you with more bars than a muthafuckin prison (He actually said that shit.)



If you're anything like me, you probably have this look on your face right now.

What. Thee. Fuck.

I'm not gonna list all the horrible ass lines I heard in this shit. Because I would be typing all night. So feel free to drop your favorite(most hated?) bars from this bullshit in the comments section.

By the way, Soulja Boy looks like Kyle Barker from "Living Single".

-DFJz

Made Monarchs X Anonymous Insolence Video Series: Family Affair

I'm always on here bitching about how much St. Louis is slept on musically... Well, we have decided to collaborate with Made Monarchs to help promote the talent in our city through a series of videos.

Our first video is featuring a group called Family Affair whose mixtape, Welcome to the Underground, drops in late Spring...

Fuck.With.us!!

Family Affair "Still The Same" from MadeMonarchs on Vimeo.

Let us know what you think!!

Epic Dick-Slapping: Carter-Knowles Last Name Fuckery

I have done a lot of terrible shit in my life, and have no right to judge anybody at any point. My scruples are questionable at best.

For example:

1. When I was a freshman in college I use to tuck my dick in-between my legs and chase my roommate around the room... (He was white, and it scared him.)

2. Last night I told my lady that I would do the dishes this morning if she soaked them overnnight, but I didn't feel like it when I woke up and left them in the sink... She is gonna be pissed when she gets home. (I am gonna have to do something real funny so she doesn't get on my case too tough.)

3. When I was like 4 or 5, I kissed my sister in the mouth in the back seat of a car, while my mom ran in the house to grab something....My mom caught us and I made my sister think it was her fault, and she took all the blame. (My mom knew we were only imitating what we saw on T.V. and restricted certain television stations until we were in high school. I wasn't even allowed to watch the Simpson's until I was in middle school.) Needless to say, (but I am gonna say it anyway) I never kissed my sister again!

4. I even dated a mentally-ill chick in 7th grade for a day in exchange for 18 bucks... (Yeah, that's terrible... I know... but 18 bucks bought me a lot of mystery air heads after school. You do what you gotta do, you know?)


So, basically, I haven't been shit for a really long time but God continues to bless me so I still think there is a decent chance I can mak into heaven... However, I think that God will have no mercy and force Jay-Z to spend eternity burning in a lake of flaming hot dicks if he does that gay ass Carter-Knowles shit with his last name. (Just in-case you didn't know, a while back Jay-Z said he was thinking about taking Beyonce's last name instead of the other way around...) He will not only have blasphemed against God and the ranking system in which he created for the world to follow (MOB... Man over B*tches). He will have also broken #manlaw, and must be punished on earth as well...


When talking to @dragonflyjonez via twitter, these are the options that we came up with:

1.) He must become a girl, and permanently tape his dick in between his legs.

2.) Donate his #peen to charity... or even science.

3.) Let me fuck Beyonce from the back in a special position that I like to call froggy-style, with a Trojan Ecstasy Condom on. (Trojan says it feels like nothing is there at all... AND what they say is a lie!.. at least that is what I have heard.)


Tell us what you think! Pick the best option or add yours and place it in the comment box...


Peace,

-N.Accomplished