Black History Month: I am not Tough Enough to be Gay

When I was a young dude trying to find my place in this world I was uber homophobic. I couldn't decide whether homosexuality was a contagious disease contracted through interaction with other homosexuals, or if it was acquired through lingering eye-contact in which their jedi mind tricks would be used to transform your sexual preference, but I was certain it was one of the two... Homosexuality was foreign to me, I was scared of it, and wanted nothing to do with it or ANYbody that had anything to do with it. Now that I am older (yet still trying to find my place in the world), I have come to the conclusion that I don't care enough about my appearance to be gay, and understand the only dick I will ever love is my own. My certainty of my ungay-ness has helped me to become completely comfortable with homosexuals and their utter hatred for their inner ass meat. ( I went to a seminar at our school, where people who were HIV positive spoke about how their life changed due to the disease. One of the more "flamboyant" speakers decided to explain the damage that is done to the ass-walls when a dick penetrates the anus. My ass clinches up every time I think about it... It was horrific!!! You can't just DISLIKE your ass, you have to HATE it to be gay!) Basically, what I am trying to get at is, I have no right to hold anyone back from enjoying whatever they want in life. If a man wants to enjoy another man's dick? By all means, let him enjoy another man's dick. As I have stated before, your lack of love for the pussy has increased my stock value immensely with the ladies. Your loss is my gain... I thank you!!

However, I am sort of thrown off by the sudden increase in homosexuals in high schools and even middle schools. My job requires me to visit many area high schools, and I am always surprised by the amount of openly gay males. (By openly I mean like expressing affection for each other and shit... Nothing against love and everything, but DAYUMM!)... It almost seems like it is a fad, like being gay is the cool thing to do as an adolescent right now (I also must mention that this all began around the same time skinny jeans started poppin'... Coincidence? I think not!) This has really begun to bother me because, like any father, I have plans to talk all "dirty old-man" shit to my son's female friends that he brings home from college. But if he brings home "Aaron's" instead "Erin's" it's gonna completely fuck my shit up. So, in an effort to deter homosexuality from becoming the new "black", and negatively effecting me and my offspring's life. I have created a list that explains why homosexuality is not for everyone.

Well, it's not really a list. There is only one reason I could think of... here it goes.


Reason: You have to be very, very tough to be gay!

Think about this young men, you have to willingly allow another man to put his dick IN your ass... If you compare the size of a dick to the size of a virgin booty hole, having anal sex is comparable to pushing a newborn baby back into a woman. (Yeah, I am reaching but you get my drift!) It's like "The Battle of the Bulge" is going on in your ass hole, only the toughest dudes in the world can participate in that shit. I had a freaky ass chick try to sneak and stick her finger in my ass, and I had to kick her out of my room to avoid fighting her ass. It happened almost 10 years ago, but the shit hurt so bad that every time my girlfriend grabs my ass I naturally clinch my cheeks in fear...*SMH*... You also have to know how to fight really well because, inevitably, ignorant dudes will want to fight you just off the strength of your gay-ness. (My dad use to be one of those ignorant dudes. He would go to gay clubs with his homies to fight the gay dudes when he got bored. The craziest part was that he said only the dudes that could really bang [ll] would join him because the gay dudes would whoop your ass if you weren't highly skilled with your hands.) So, before you decide to pull your new found homosexual self out of the closet because you think it would look cute with your lilac-colored skinny jeans, you should probably think twice...

Homosexuality is not for the weak!




Peace...